No, this isn't a post about pirates. Arrrrr! But it is about the things you think your loved one would say about acts you commit after they are gone.
For instance, the funeral. A funeral is so quickly held after the death of a loved one that the widow/-er barely has time to process what is going on around them. Much less time to decide what songs should be played, who should speak at the service, etc. So I found myself agreeing to things that I knew my husband would have thrown a fit over, if he were still alive.
My husband was married to a lady we'll call *Jane for purposes of anonymity. Jeff and Jane married young and had two children. After 10 yrs. of marriage, Jane decided she needed to complete some unfulfilled life experiences. Namely, she needed to go party her ass off for a few years. Jeff was always bitter over the divorce and subsequent abandonment of the children. Although Jeff became grateful he was no longer in a loveless marriage, he held very little respect for someone who would leave their children. His son came to live with us full-time the first year into our marriage at age 9. The daughter bounced between homes, eventually settling with her mother.
Jeff's distaste for his ex ran so deep, that he had it written into our will that she not be allowed anywhere near his funeral. Yep, barrrred. Pirate reference totally intended.
But in the last two years of his life, he was spending more time with his son who married and shortly thereafter had a child of his own. Therefore, we were around the Ex more than usual. Things had finally smoothed out and the two of them could be in the same room together without an explosion. Finally peace!
So, as I sat in the family room at the funeral home with my two step-children, they asked about their Mom coming to the funeral. It was time to come clean...I told them of Jeff's wishes in his will. But then I allowed it. Yes, I went over my deceased husbands will and allowed his Ex to attend his funeral. He was cremated, so I was safe that there would be no grave diving! Things had finally become peaceful over the last years and I felt that it would bring even more harmony to not make it an issue about her attendance.
So how did it go you ask? Well, generally speaking she behaved. Jane didn't try to sneak into the family receiving line or snatch any flowers for herself. BUT. Yes, there is a but. When I entered the sanctuary, there she sat on the front row. The row reserved for me and the children. My daughter was on the 2nd row. Not. Cool. Without hesitation, I asked her to move a row back and I brought my daughter up front with me and the step-children. We were his current family. It was time for her to take a backseat. She had her time and she forfeited it.
When her son took my hand in his and sobbed throughout the ceremony, I kept his hand low. Not wanting to hurt her feelings. But midway through the ceremony, she popped her butt back up on the front row. HOW TASTELESS! Was her need for attention that severe?
If Jeff could have spoken he'd have said, "mmm hmmm. I tried to tell you not to let her come", then he'd follow with, "always gotta do it your way don't cha?". And he would've been right. I just hated being the one left behind who had to face his kids during the planning and say, sorry Dad has banned your Mom. To this day, her need to be up front and center during the service still bothers me. But it was of my own doing.
Did you let anything slide at your loved one's funeral/service that you regret?
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